Original Poem

This idea has been rumbling around in my head for sometime.  Please forgive the puctuation or lack thereof.  Yesterday after my walk, I put them down into words.  I want my children to know that in the end, their father did not fear death, he feared leaving things undone and leaving without letting me know how important I really was to him.  As I have so often told Ashley and JR, sometimes strength means you stay and fight.  I will be forever eternally glad I did.  I have no regrets.  I did the right thing.  The last night of his life he fought to fulfill all of his dreams for us.  Even if only imaginary, he gave me memories to last a lifetime.

                                                      To Live a Lifetime in One Night

an original poem by Tanyia Conner

She strokes his head, calming his fears, "I be right here,

Get some sleep, you need your rest, you need to fight,"

She says trying to hold back the waterfall of tear

He knows she is right but sleep must wait, instead just tonight

He knows he has a lifetime to live in just this one night

The chair is close; she has lowered the bed, her head she does rest

She holds his hand and allows sleep to take her away.

Her eyes flutter shut. Time is his enemy and he has moments at best,

He can’t leave until she knows his love; he must keep death at bay

"Hey Beautiful, Good Morning Wake up what will we do today?"

Sleepily she rises and looks deep into his sparkling brown eyes

Realizing time is fleeting she makes the choice to dream.

"Let’s look for a place to retire somewhere the eagle flies."

Far away they build a home so cozy and warm down to the very last seem

"Let’s sleep now", and she slips from him into a dream.

She must know, she has no time to sleep, he touches her cheek,

"Hey Beautiful, Good Morning Wake up what will we do today?"

Once again she opens her eyes; exhaustion has made her weak

Let’s go on a picnic she chirps cheerily and on a blanket the food they lay

All his favorites she remembers and describes is her special way.

Sleep calls once again, and she stokes his hand gently and warm.

"We need to sleep, we need to rest for tomorrow our fight will renew."

He knows the fight will end and the memories flow like a swarm

"Hey Beautiful, Good Morning! Wake up! For today we have lots to do.

I have a wonderful vacation that I have planned especially for you!"

Sleepily she listens to each last detail so lovingly planned and outlined.

Knowing he does not have long she holds him closer and whispers in his ear

"You would do this all for me?"  "Yes, and a thousand times more if there was time."

She brushes a tear from his eye and leans closely, "We have nothing to fear.

We will do all these things and more in the coming year!"

But, he knows time is short, death hovers ever so close to him.

"My time is short, I am tired of the fight, I want to go home," he cries.  

"I know this is a fight we will not win," he stares at the lights so dim.

Over them unwillingly he does let sweet sleep sweep like a thousand fireflies

In the night a tear slips down her face, she knows that death is where their fate lies.

The dawn does break and he does rise if only for a while.
He speaks of his dreams and patiently awaits his flight.
She sits by his side quietly awaiting the end as the memories she does file.
No one will ever be able to make these things seem right.
But inwardly she smiles, realizing he has given her a lifetime in one night.