Bringing on Your "A" Game

Have you ever had one of those weeks when you look up at the sky and just go, "Really???"  This has been one such week.  Living alone is an adjustment.  And, I have to admit, not being on a 5:00 a.m. wake up call is an adjustment (a wonderful one, but still an adjustment).  My body is still thinking that this is my summer and we sleep until 9 or 10.  So getting up at 7 and ready for work can be difficult.  And, of course, I have the zoo to feed and let out.  And, with no help, my morning events begin to run together.  Yesterday I woke up and figured it was too early as it was dark in my room only to find that the pool guys had put plastic over my windows and were spraying gunite.  Opps, ran late that day.  And, today was the crowning blow.  Today, I had a 9 am meeting in Houston.  Now, if you live outside a big city, you know traffic can be bad and a 25 minute trip during mid-day will take an hour or more during "drive-time".  I got up, let the crew out, began doing my hair.....What my Chi won't turn on???? I fiddle with it and finally realize the plug has kicked off so I set the reset switch...Good...Catastrophe 1- averted.  Things begin to get back on schedule.  I go make coffee and get my clothes out of the dryer.  Finish getting ready.  Feed the crew and put them in their kennels.....7:29.....THIS IS FREAKING AWESOME!!!! Right on schedule.  I sling my bag over my shoulder.  Grabbing my  IPAD, phone, coffee, and Weight Watcher's Breakfast sandwich I head for the door.  It is now 7:35....Quickly, I set the alarm.....Grab the door and I am off.  It is not until I hear the door shut behind me that I realize....my keys are on the counter.  I can't go to the meeting, I can't go to work, I can't get back into the house.  So, like any reasonable woman I grab the door, violently shake the lock and curse loudly as if the magic words "You SOB" will open the door.  Oh and did I mention there was a crew working on my pool.  They are watching this in amazement I am sure.....well maybe most of them probably didn't speak much English.  Yet, there was no doubt I was not a happy camper. 

Okay T....This is not going to work.  Let's formulate plan B.  I will call JR.  For those of you who know my son, you know that on several occasions I have had a wee bit of difficulty getting him to answer the phone.  I call once.....as usual no answer.  Don't panic......I call a second time and a sleepy voice finally picks up.  I explain my situation and he says he will be right over.  Okay this day can still be salvaged.  I sit on my back deck.  Flies are on me like old garbage.  After a while of swatting them away, I spy some good old Raid Yard Guard.  I quickly spray it.....flies leave...Now, I am just left with the heat. I look at the time, it has been 20 minutes.  JR should be here soon.  Then my phone rings.  And, you guessed it it was JR, "Mom where exactly are you and what was the problem again?"   ARRRRRGGGGGGG!!  

Once again I explain my problem.  To make a long story short, I get into the house at 8:45.  No longer am I fresh.  I have sweat, my hair has frizzed (so much for getting my Chi to work), and to top it off there is no way I can make the meeting.  So, I decided to go onto work.  And, continued to have a wonderful day.  I met JR for lunch at Schlotzkey's where the lemonade machine stuck and over flowed onto the floor as I desperately tried to get it to shut off.  I return to work sticky hands and all about half an hour late.  Not bad considering all the running around I did.  And, I have to admit, as I look back the day wasn't so bad. 

Now, folks, that is the power of attitude.  I could have gone to work and just had an awful day.  But, instead, I brought my A Game.  From my luncheon the other day Teresa Behenna stated that attitude was the third key ingredient to becoming extraordinary.  And, that is what finding yourself is about.  Becoming the extraordinary person God has made, even if we don't realize it.  He has made us to do extraordinary things.  But, we have to be willing to learn new ways of working.  For me, I am going to give a neighbor a key and hide one in a remote location in the event this happens again.  Having to depend on a man even if it is my son made me feel helpless and like I took a step back.  Next, I need to build relationships with others.  I have a very hard time asking for help.  I liked to think that I am very self sufficient.  However, in reality, I pretty much let Patrick take care of me.  So, I must now sow these relationships that in the past I let lay dormant.  Back to making sure my neighbors know that although I can be a goof, I am a wonderful goof.  Finally, according to Behenna, the third key to attitude is to stay humble, likable and teachable.  It is never too late to teach an old dog new tricks and I am not too good to ask for help.  But, more than that, I have to be able to let all the garbage kind of just fall off and develop the Scarlett O'Hara philosophy that tomorrow is another day. 

So the moral of this story lies at Schlotzskys at the lemonade machine.  I just wanted a tad bit put in my ice tea to make it a bit sweeter....Instead I got lemonade.  And, that's really not so bad if you are able to flow with the tide.  So, bring it on world....I am planning on making lots of lemonade.

The Art of Persistence

  Well, I have just returned from a wonderful weekend in Austin with my daughter.  One of the reasons I wanted to get away is that the 21st marked the third month of my husband's passing.  Funny word...passing.  We pass cars on the freeway, we pass tests, we pass up desserts, heck we even pass the bread and butter.  So, the word passing has become a kinder gentler way of saying death.  They just pass from one dimension into the next, they pass on into heaven- or so we hope.  This trip was difficult as I left my 16 year old Boston Terrier, Missy at death's door as well.  She was quite ill when I took her into the vet's office on Thursday.  In fact, Dr. Osborne did not belive that she would make it.  I cried and cried....Yes, I know it is a dog.  But, I had the dog for 16 years and Patrick was the one who picked her out.  All I could think was, "Well, he must want a dog in heaven."  I believe that dogs go to heaven even though I have been assured by my Pastor they don't.  But, as I write today, she is up and moving around.  Doing her usual thing, eating and sleeping.  Okay folks, she is 16 after all.....well over 100 in human years and old folks sleep a lot.  When I picked her up yesterday Vicki, the Vet Tech, told me Dr. Osborne had little faith Missy would pull through.  "But, Ms. Conner, I told him Missy always looks like this when she comes in so not to be to hasty."

     "Wow,"  I thought.   "Missy's persistance to keep coming back like a Timex was amazing."  Remember I told you about the luncheon I went to last week.  Well, the second point in success is persistance.  And, in finding who we are, we need to be persistant in our quest.  Begin asking yourself the had questions.  Like, "How can I develop my passion.", "What is out there for me to expand my horizons?" 

     Over the years, I have told many of my good friends that I really love to write.  Like I have previously stated, I have begun a novel, written several poems, and short stories.  But, my lone published item was a poem I wrote for my dad which was on the cover of his funeral service.  I really had no idea how to go public.  Blogging is a great medium for this.  But, when I began my blogs that was not why I did it.  I really just wanted for other spouses or significant others to know that they weren't alone and for others to realize that grieving is not a short term issue.  We have bben living in a huge glass globe and a really big giant has shaken the globe so hard one of the figures is destroyed and now we have to wait for the snow to settle.  So, I began writing.  But, I have never had anyone really look at my writings to see if they were in deed any good. 

     As many of you know, I have been in therapy for some time.  First it was marital issues, then issues relating to Patrick's illness, and now grief.  Dr. B has been after me to get involved in something (her way of saying...Find your passion).  As we spoke, I told her I had chosen three activities in which I wanted to become more involved.  First, photography, you know I have that really cool camera Patrick gave me for Christmas.  Second, Good Shepherd Episcopal Church, I was very involved and had to back off some of the activities.  Now I have the time to recommit to them.  And, third, writing.  As she listened to me and I actually listened to myself, it became apparent that my true passion is writing.  She encouarge me to find groups which foster these talents.  So, today I took the persistant approach and I have joinded not only a photography club, but am registered for a writier's workshop this weekend.  A very good friend of mine called me this morning regarding an article she had seen in the Galveston Daily News regarding a Writer's Workshop near me.  After I hung up, I found the article, did the research and am going.  I am willing to do whatever it takes to really define my passion. 

     Persistance..... For so long, I have been so involved in making others comfortable.  This includes but is not limited to my husband, my children, my employer, my colleagues and to some point me. I did not persistantly nurture who Tanyia really and truly is.   I have to make myself be a little uncomfortable to grow.  It's time for me to step out of the box.  I am still young enough to persue my dreams.  And, you never know one day you may be at the local store and see a book by me....Hey, I remember when I used to read this gal's blog......

Developing A Passion

 
Thinking Outside of the Box

I had the priveledge of attending a luncheon today put on by the Houston Women's Business Initiative.  The speaker was the fabulous Theresa Behenna, motivational speaker, author, pianist and recording artist.  Her topic was "Extraordinary Performance:  The New Norm for Tough Times."  Yes, I know this was meant to be a discussion of business in our trying economic times, but her words of wisdom also hit home personally for me as well.  She listed 5 points to excellence.

Point 1-  Passion
Since the death of Patrick, I have been on auto pilot.  All I could think of was, "I have to get through the end of the school year.  I have to get through all of Ashley's showers.  I have to get through the Rehersal dinner.  I have to get through Ashley's wedding."  My days have been a blur.  It was today when I realized that my passion had become "Just getting through".  Not something I am particullarly proud of but that is where I am. So, now I realize that I need to find what I am passionate about.

I enjoy lots of things. Reading, but I don't see myself as part of a book club. Reading what someone tells me to read reminds me too much of school. And it took me several years before I picked up a book for pleasure after I graduated from A&M. So, I do not feel passion is there. I love my animals. A friend of mine told me that my dogs would become very important during this process. She was right. They listen without trying to give me advice. Mr. C even let's me put my head on him when I am crying. And, he has never once told me to stop. He just turns around and licks my face. There are lots of things I could do with my love for animals....volunteer at an animal shelter, work for animal rights, or foster a rescue.
This sounds great, but when would I find the time? Maybe on the weekends, but does that qualify as a passion, then? Maybe not. So after giving this a lot of thought, I have finally decided that my true passions are writing and photography.

Writing requires very little. It can be squeezed in in a few moments and then picked up later when you are free again. That is the beauty of writing. Blogging opens up a whole new world for writing. Not only can you put your feelings down for others, they can comment back to you. Wow that is powerful connecting people. Therefore, I encourage you to comment whether you know me personally or not. Help me exercise my passion.

I want to close with final thought. Do you know what your passion is? What have you done lately to discover who you are? Knowing who we are inside is like Red Bull.....it gives you wings. I don't know about you, but now is my chance. I am going to fly.

Labels: change, passion, starting over, widow
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