Well, I have just returned from a wonderful weekend in Austin with my daughter. One of the reasons I wanted to get away is that the 21st marked the third month of my husband's passing. Funny word...passing. We pass cars on the freeway, we pass tests, we pass up desserts, heck we even pass the bread and butter. So, the word passing has become a kinder gentler way of saying death. They just pass from one dimension into the next, they pass on into heaven- or so we hope. This trip was difficult as I left my 16 year old Boston Terrier, Missy at death's door as well. She was quite ill when I took her into the vet's office on Thursday. In fact, Dr. Osborne did not belive that she would make it. I cried and cried....Yes, I know it is a dog. But, I had the dog for 16 years and Patrick was the one who picked her out. All I could think was, "Well, he must want a dog in heaven." I believe that dogs go to heaven even though I have been assured by my Pastor they don't. But, as I write today, she is up and moving around. Doing her usual thing, eating and sleeping. Okay folks, she is 16 after all.....well over 100 in human years and old folks sleep a lot. When I picked her up yesterday Vicki, the Vet Tech, told me Dr. Osborne had little faith Missy would pull through. "But, Ms. Conner, I told him Missy always looks like this when she comes in so not to be to hasty."
"Wow," I thought. "Missy's persistance to keep coming back like a Timex was amazing." Remember I told you about the luncheon I went to last week. Well, the second point in success is persistance. And, in finding who we are, we need to be persistant in our quest. Begin asking yourself the had questions. Like, "How can I develop my passion.", "What is out there for me to expand my horizons?"
Over the years, I have told many of my good friends that I really love to write. Like I have previously stated, I have begun a novel, written several poems, and short stories. But, my lone published item was a poem I wrote for my dad which was on the cover of his funeral service. I really had no idea how to go public. Blogging is a great medium for this. But, when I began my blogs that was not why I did it. I really just wanted for other spouses or significant others to know that they weren't alone and for others to realize that grieving is not a short term issue. We have bben living in a huge glass globe and a really big giant has shaken the globe so hard one of the figures is destroyed and now we have to wait for the snow to settle. So, I began writing. But, I have never had anyone really look at my writings to see if they were in deed any good.
As many of you know, I have been in therapy for some time. First it was marital issues, then issues relating to Patrick's illness, and now grief. Dr. B has been after me to get involved in something (her way of saying...Find your passion). As we spoke, I told her I had chosen three activities in which I wanted to become more involved. First, photography, you know I have that really cool camera Patrick gave me for Christmas. Second, Good Shepherd Episcopal Church, I was very involved and had to back off some of the activities. Now I have the time to recommit to them. And, third, writing. As she listened to me and I actually listened to myself, it became apparent that my true passion is writing. She encouarge me to find groups which foster these talents. So, today I took the persistant approach and I have joinded not only a photography club, but am registered for a writier's workshop this weekend. A very good friend of mine called me this morning regarding an article she had seen in the Galveston Daily News regarding a Writer's Workshop near me. After I hung up, I found the article, did the research and am going. I am willing to do whatever it takes to really define my passion.
Persistance..... For so long, I have been so involved in making others comfortable. This includes but is not limited to my husband, my children, my employer, my colleagues and to some point me. I did not persistantly nurture who Tanyia really and truly is. I have to make myself be a little uncomfortable to grow. It's time for me to step out of the box. I am still young enough to persue my dreams. And, you never know one day you may be at the local store and see a book by me....Hey, I remember when I used to read this gal's blog......
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