Having gone from being Daddy's little girl to being some one's wife shows that I have been leaning heavily on someone most of my life. So, I am not really sure where this one is going but, just stay with me and we will find out. The fourth thing needed for an Extraordinary performance is people according to Behenna. She goes on to say that productivity can be increased by showing appreciation to others. Networking through clubs and organizations also make these much needed "people" connections. And, forming a peer group to brainstorm ideas is yet a third pillar of this stage. Let me look at each of these individually to see if I can come up with a universal truth.
Showing appreciation can increase productivity. Yes, I agree wholeheartedly with this in a business or classroom, but how is this going to help me find who I am. After all, Behenna's message could be easily adapted to me until this time. Wasn't finding me supposed to involve me going out on my own and finding my wings. How can I do this if I have to depend on people? And, really, exactly what am I going to show appreciation about? I have thought on this for a while and I realize that showing appreciation doesn't mean that I have to constantly be complimenting someone or brown nosing. It means being able to say "Thank you." even for the smallest things. But, most important you pay kindness forward. Have you ever noticed when you are in a store, if you make eye contact and smile at the clerk they will respond to you. "Just minute and I will be right with you" or "How can I help you?" Sit there and just look around, and yes they may eventually come up to you, but it will take longer unless you have a pro of a salesperson. Try it next time. My children always tell me that I talk to strangers too much. "No one wants to know your life story, Mom. Just get to the point." But, I don't see it as telling my life story, I see it as making a connection. Recently, I bought a pair of ear rings for my daughter to wear at her wedding. I walked into Jared's gave my sweetest smile to a young man and asked where the pearl and diamond ear rings were. As I told him how my son was going to walk my daughter down the aisle because her father had recently passed, he looked at me and took several pair of ear rings back. Then he took me to show me another pair. They were significantly less than I had planned on spending but they were perfect. He told me that his girlfriend had been looking at these and said they were for a really special occasion. I knew that he understood, I needed something not expensive but special. As I completed my purchase, I stopped by and told the manager what an awesome salesman the young man was once again flashing my sweetest smile. Now, the minute I walk the young salesman runs up to me. First, he asks what I need specifically. Then he shows me what he has plus something he has found that he thinks is just "special". Now I know what you are thinking. Tanyia, that is what salesmen are supposed to do. True to a point, but not to the point of personally e-mailing you pictures of new items in stock.
I was once told that I was rude and abrupt. This devastated me and was actually the beginning of the worst year of my life which culminated in the death of my husband. I am not rude. I always say please and thank you. I smile .......a lot. And, I always hold the door for people. Often abruptness is confused with bluntness. They are not the same. I am a call it like I see it girl, not a let me shield your feelings girl. My feeling is if you didn't want an honest answer, you never should have asked me in the first place. Since I have discovered this, I now have no problem going up to strangers and saying, "Hey, you can be perfectly honest with me. I will never see you again. What do you think about...... or How do I look in this?" It is amazing how well this works. After thinking about it, I realized that appreciation is more than please and thank you. It is acknowledging that someone has expertise in an area. Asking them for their honest opinion can be like giving them the power to be an expert in something. And, I don't know about you but I love to feel like I can do something really well.
I recently told my children that I love my dogs, but they are simply not the best conversationalist. Being alone, now means that I have to look to outside sources to exercise my people skills. If I don't I could become the crazy dog lady you see on TV and we all know that we feel sorry for her because she is coo-coo. I don't want pity, I want someone to discuss politics, religion and other controversial topics. I don't want to look glassy eyed in the camera and talk like my dogs are people. They are special wonderful creatures, but not people. Therefore, we need people not just for companionship but to strengthen our minds. When we stop talking our brain stops as well. People keep us sharp. That is why my therapist and friends pushed me to join a photography club and go to the writer's conference. (To be honest I am a bit excited about that.) Then it hit me, it's not depending on people to do things for you, it is having the ability to nourish companionship and allow the neurons in our brain to rapid fire as we engage in conversation. Stepping out of our box means making new connections, meeting new people, opening up....in other words... living again. Yes, it's hard but this can be a wonderful time.
I miss Patrick more than anyone can possibly image. He wasn't the best husband, but he was mine. He was my world. Now I have a new world. I realized that in a way as a widow I have been given a remarkable opportunity. I get the great do-over. I get to roll the dice again and move past go to collect my $200.00. But, to truly find me, I will need guidance, reassurance and love from others. Okay, maybe Streisand had something when she sang People who need people are the luckiest people in the world.
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